that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize