hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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