i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
