Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize