Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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