she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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