Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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