So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
