Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize