I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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