I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
In America we eat man semen.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
