Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
