eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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