I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
