So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
