I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
