weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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