its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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