Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
