how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
