I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
