Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
