i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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