woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
