How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
