I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
