dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
