I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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