so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
