dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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