Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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