Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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