I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
