i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
