What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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