I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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