Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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