I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
