I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
