why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
