I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wish you could order shots online.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
