Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
