He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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