Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
