i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize