I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
