I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
im holly from the hills drunk
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
