There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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