just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
