Your tits are I can't wait for
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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