he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
