I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
