He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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