i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
