im six kinds of drunk right now
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
