Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
