my sisters under your porch take her home
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize