it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
