....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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