and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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