Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
