How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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