are you so shy because you have an std?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
