i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
