dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize