i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
