After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
