and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
