Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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