He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
