Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
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