We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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