Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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