she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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