ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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