At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
