I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
