he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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